White House says that it is strong to have two bodyguards carrying the President everywhere
August 31, 2025
WASHINGTON-Responding to mounting questions about why the President has not been observed walking on his own in weeks, White House press secretary confirmed Monday that the president is now being carried everywhere, at all times, by two Secret Service agents, insisting that the practice demonstrates “unmatched vigor and strength.” “Make no mistake, there is nothing weak about a leader who…
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Mike Lindell Saves Sesame Street
August 31, 2025
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Fans of public media have been in a panic for months following sweeping federal and state funding cuts to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (CPB). With less support for NPR and PBS, concerns mounted about the future of beloved programming, including the crown jewel of children’s television: Sesame Street. But just when it looked like Oscar the…
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NASA claims lights on Comet 3I Atlas are headlights. Actual quote, “Oh my God they’re driving a Dodge!”
August 31, 2025
In a bizarre press statement this afternoon, NASA confirmed that the forward-facing lights seen emanating from what was thought to be a comet, Comet 3I Atlas heading towards the Earth at this very moment appear to be headlights. One agent claimed the vehicle traveling this way at 137,000 miles per hour looks like an old Dodge pickup. As this news…
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University Introduces Real Jaguar to Boost Student Morale, Promises It Only Bites a Little
August 31, 2025
INDIANAPOLIS— Facing growing backlash over rising tuition, mandatory parking fees, and a controversial policy, University officials announced a bold new initiative this week: bringing a live jaguar to campus to boost student morale. The jaguar, currently named Mr. Jazzy by a student poll, will be free to roam selected Jag Zones around campus, including the fountain, the dining hall, and…
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College student celebrates graduation with some LinkedIn screentime
August 31, 2025
After graduating Larry felt as free as a bird. Free to do anything he pleases. His favorite pastime include applying for jobs on LinkedIn, connecting with fellow classmates he said hi to once, and updating his profile to show the volunteer work he completed last week(when he walked his grandmothers dog.) LinkedIn has overtaken his screentime. LinkedIn has become the…
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Will Smith Walks Out on M. Night Shyamalan Newest Film
August 31, 2025
published: August 31, 2025 LOS ANGELES, CA— After 35 years of a promising Hollywood career, the recently let go Will Smith reportedly told M. Night Shyamalan Saturday that he should try to treat his co-workers better.“Hey M. Night, I know you’ve had a rough, but taking it out on the actors isn’t going to do anything productive and frankly we’re…
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Where is he? Where is Donald Trump?
August 31, 2025
Where exactly did Donald Trump disappear or run off to? Could it have something to do with his health, could his age caught up to him, or is he enjoying himself on vacation?
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Taylor Swift Calls Off Wedding With Travis Kielce After Joe Alwyn Confesses His Never Ended Love Post Breakup
August 31, 2025
KANSAS CITY — Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement came to everyone’s shock, and while the couple is happily engaged, Taylor reportedly confessed to her best friend at her bachelorette party that “I can’t stop thinking about Joe since our last encounter back in December 2024 and during the summer of this year”. They met unexpectedly at a party, and…
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Trillionaire Claims Money Can Buy Happiness.Launches Happiness Premium
August 30, 2025
“Look, money is overrated, why not buy happiness?” said Musa Blackrock as he launched Happiness Premium. A product critics note that he still didn't reveal what’s actually inside.
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