INDIANAPOLIS— Facing growing backlash over rising tuition, mandatory parking fees, and a controversial policy, University officials announced a bold new initiative this week: bringing a live jaguar to campus to boost student morale.
The jaguar, currently named Mr. Jazzy by a student poll, will be free to roam selected Jag Zones around campus, including the fountain, the dining hall, and occasionally the library.
“This is about school spirit,” said the Vice President. “Students told us they felt ignored, stressed, and financially squeezed. What better way to make them feel heard than by releasing a powerful apex predator into their daily routine? It’s a symbol of strength, resilience, and unpredictability, similar to college life.”.
Reactions among students have been mixed. One student states that, “I was late to class because Mr. Jazzy was napping in front of the science building,” said a sophomore engineering student.
Still, administrators argue the jaguar is cheaper than other wellness initiatives. They state that therapy dogs are expensive, and free ice cream socials don’t cut it anymore. This one-time jaguar investment sends the simple message that we care about our students’ happiness, and we are not afraid to terrify them to achieve it,”.